Goodbye to You

I have to say goodbye to you. No more roundabout ways of trying to see you or talk to you. I have to say goodbye. See, the problem is that I love you. And maybe you won’t see that as a problem but I don’t want to lose you. So I need my distance, I need to be brought back to Earth and stop writing you poems and stop praying for days to hear your voice or see your smile. We’ve had 1460 days together. And not all of them were grand. Maybe less than half. But I wanted more. I wanted you all in completion in marriage and in afterlife. Because you’re, well you’re the one for me. But it’s a tough pill to swallow knowing that I am not it for you. So I have to go now. I have to say goodbye and leave you to live your life and I’ll live mine. I would end this with a positive but I don’t see any. I know you. And I know me. I’m stubborn beyond repair and I could live my life without being a father, the greatest title I could think of. I won’t love another like I loved you. I know the hole I’m putting myself into. I know the hole I put myself into when I started writing this blog. Writing about you and us, as if people won’t know. Won’t know about how incapable I am of moving on. And it isn’t for lack of trying, its because of how I love you. But I have to say bye now. It was great being friends for this year after our break-up. It was anguishing fun. I love you. And, I couldn’t text you this or call you because I don’t want a conversation. I just wanted to say this some place safe and I couldn’t think of a safer place this my home.



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