The Last Letter

I’m an emotional creature. An emotion driven abomination. And I wouldn’t change a single thing about me. I learned to love myself through too many lows. Through seriously darkening depressions and suicidal tendencies. I have always carried the burden the weight of my life in my heart. Something of an Atlas figure. And, I was never the hero of my own story. Not until recently. Not until I realized that my story comes in an anthology and not as a singular novel. It took a long time to understand self-love. To grasp at its concept and practice. I was always delusional. I was always depressed. I was always a fake a smile with thoughts of worthlessness. I was good at selling happiness. I was good at faking it all. Even with you. And losing you has made me face these troubles. Losing you has forced me to buckle down and converse with the darker side of me. And I learned quite a bit. I loved you so much because I couldn’t love myself. I didn’t know how. And I still love you, more than before. But, I love me too. I finally love me. This body, this soul, this smile, this raspy voice, this form I love it all. I have written enough about you. Maybe too much. Maybe just too much. I never know anymore. It seems our relationship changes on a daily basis. But no matter. I will love you in secret. I will love you in public. I will love you always and forever. You told me you would hate for me to be lonely. And I joked that I wouldn’t be, I’ll have a dog. But truth is, I don’t need anyone but you. I don’t need anyone but you. I’m happy, but not full. I’m happy, but not fulfilled.

And so I’ll end the writings for you, about you, of you, with this:

In this lifetime. In all lifetimes. In every single one, our love radiates over and conquers every obstacle. I met you in front of Koronet Pizza. I met you when I was young and naive. When I didn’t know what love meant. And though we got together years later, I will always regret not being mature enough for you when we first met. There are people in this world that spark something in you. And you have sparked life in me. You have resuscitated me countless times. And maybe giving you love wasn’t enough. Maybe I burdened you with these poems, writing, omens, prophecies, etc. You need to heal now. You need time away from me to find your own happiness. I’ll just write these last few sentences for you. I will always love you and be madly in love with you. You’re more than a soul mate. Here’s to your happiness and whatever that means for us. I love you.

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