Conversations with myself

There are vestiges of us in my memories,

small, faint experiences

because its been almost a year since we broke up,

Since I lost you,

Since I realized I’ve been losing you,

Since I realized anything.

We spoke about it many times,

about the future, about the past

its always been hard for us to think of the present

but wishes don’t cure broken hearts

they don’t cure anything,

I told you I want you to be my wife,

I told you I’ll wait

and you looked at me in disgust

now I know to remain silent in my endeavors.

To love you

without loving you

is the hardest trial I’ve ever faced,

these are the things that keep me up at night,

you say you miss me,

you say you love me

but can’t be with me,

I get it

I want to not get get, but I do

I’ll just love you in silent.

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