Mania is…

Mania is wanting to buy a $100 sandwich at Shortstop Deli in Ithaca, NY. Mania is not sleeping for seven days, nor showering for the same amount. Mania is boundless energy, a magnitude beyond comprehension to rational minds. Mania is exhilaration, it is a high beyond any chemical substance.

I want ham, turkey, roast beef, grill chicken, pulled pork, chopped cheesesteak, eggs, everything on this little yellow slip on a hero. How much would that be?

The journey for the $100 sandwich and I was unfazed. This was my reality for seven days in the summer of 2012. I was manic and a safety hazard to myself and my peers. I was manic. I saw black and gold figures follow me throughout the day, I heard voices too. I was out of my mind. And what scared me the most weren’t the vision nor the sounds, it was my love for it. I felt godly. I felt free.

Mania does that to you. Bipolar Disorder does that to you. It’s a chemical imbalance in our culture, its an awakening in others. It was my first mania and I felt imperial. I thought I was of Jesus’ lineage. I was out of my mind. And the day I left Ithaca, NY I tried to buy a sandwich worth $100. That’s when my mother knew I was gone. When she saw me laugh manically and really beg for $80 dollars, that’s when it hit her that I wasn’t myself.

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