Trade-off

I have given you these lungs,

these kidneys,

this liver,

this heart,

sorry not the appendix (it was removed),

this brain,

this body,

these eyes,

these fingers,

these toes,

this soul,

I have given you all of me

for love,

and with love,

I gave you all of me,

the breath from my lungs was yours,

the thoughts in my mind were yours

these heartbeats were yours,

everything was given to you

not as sacrifice

not as charity

but for protection,

for confinement and daily rituals,

I have loved you for a long time,

love,

I still love you

and now I have been reacquainted

wth my body, mind, and soul

learning who I am again,

you protected me in depression

in mania

in delusions

and visions,

you protected me from my disorder

and loved me like a cocoon

wrapped your arms around me

and helped me materialize

metamorphosis

through your passion

it took long

for me to become a butterfly,

but before I could hatch

you left me alone,

and I panicked,

I lost myself to hysteria and other delusions

but when I found myself,

when I regained my agency

I did not free myself as a butterfly

but as a phoenix,

my body made for resurrections,

and in your love

in your compassion

in your trust

in your wisdom

in your everything,

I found the possibilities of happiness,

I found myself,

in you,

from you,

for you,

within and without you,

and without you

without

you

I found me again,

and learning to love myself,

like I loved you

has been the hardest

time of my growth,

I’ve given you all of me

and myself nothing,

i know have all of me

and none of you,

I would trade to have myself and you

but maybe

just maybe

one day

we can talk about love

and not get lost in our shortcomings

not get lost in our timing

for if you find someone else

or if I,

I would still love you,

I would trade everything

to have us though,

everything.

 

 

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